i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
