i jhust puked up my retainher.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
