Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize