the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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