Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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