It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
