hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
