Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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