dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
