he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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