this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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