Rock
Scissors
Fuck
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
