honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
