I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
