i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
