We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
