These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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