i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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