I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
