worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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