I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
