I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
