what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
