Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
