holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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