Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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