Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
