ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want her autograph on my taint
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
