I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
