She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
