How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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