I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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