The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
