did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
