I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
