I'm going to jail i love you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
