no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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