I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
