Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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