i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize