I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
