I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
