You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
