And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
