i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
