You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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