I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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