She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
