I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
