There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
