The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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