Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
