I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
