Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
