I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
