It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
