while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
