1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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