I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
