I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My feet surprised me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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