Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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