I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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