She is in my trunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
