At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
