My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
