Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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