Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
