id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize