omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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