kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
