Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
