Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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