Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
