the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
