if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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