you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
