Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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