Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
