just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
