We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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