"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
