you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
