I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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