dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
