She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Acid is not a monday night drug
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
