Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
