dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
