I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
