we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize