We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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