We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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