i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
