none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i think i have herpe
just one?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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