just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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